


all or nothing

by bapaldeul



Series: we shared a moment that will last till the end [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, My Heart Broke Writing This, Violence, don't let the fluff fool you, fast burn, heed my tags and warnings please, mafia-ish au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 16:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13438917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapaldeul/pseuds/bapaldeul
Summary: daniel gives jihoon both all or nothing at the same time





	all or nothing

**Author's Note:**

> i wouldn't call this a present so here... this is a not-so-lovely piece of writing for all of you lovely people

The first time Park Jihoon sees Kang Daniel is completely coincidental. It is also the first time he feels his heart leap out of his chest out of pure excitement in years. 

His fingers lie on the black and white keys of the grand piano in his bedroom. His back is getting sore from maintaining a straight posture and sighs in defeat once the song finishes. Of course, he gets a soft knock on the back of his head by his piano teacher.

“What did I say about finishing as strong as you started?” Jisung chides, and although Jihoon’s back is facing Jisung, he knows the older is shaking his head in disapproval. 

Jihoon likes Jisung. It’s hard not to like someone as kind and caring as Jisung. If Jisung wasn’t under the orders of Jihoon’s father to be here, Jihoon thinks he would be able to confide in Jisung about his deepest worries.

Unfortunately, Jisung is like the others in this household in many ways. 

Jisung doesn’t talk about Jihoon’s father, or the many men he sees coming in and out of their three-floor mansion. Some of the men Jihoon recognises, some he never sees again. Jisung never talks about the outside – because he knows Jihoon will never get to see it.

“Yes, _mom_ ,” Jihoon mutters.

His eyes gaze over the music sheets in front of him. He doesn’t know what any of them mean, all his pieces are painstakingly memorised from his piano lessons every week. In fact, Jihoon doesn’t even like music, he hates the sound of the piano keys even more.

They remind him that he is locked up by his own father, who is trying to disguise it by allowing Jihoon the “freedom” to learn a new instrument.

“I’m not your mother,” Jisung sighs, taking a seat on Jihoon’s bed. He can see that the older man is obviously tired and needs a break. So Jihoon stops, faces Jisung with a smile and Jisung immediately freezes up, as if he knows what Jihoon is up to.

“Tell me about the outside,” Jihoon says, using his big eyes to his advantage. Unfortunately, Jisung doesn’t fall for it. He shakes his head with a bitter smile and replies, “Jihoon, you know that’s against the rules that your father has set for me. I could lose my job.”

Behind Jisung’s eyes, Jihoon hears the underlying message.

_I could lose my life._

“Sorry, hyung,” Jihoon apologises, immediately feeling guilty. He turns back to the piano and places his hands on the keys again. He’s mentally exhausted from playing the same melody the entire day, and wonders how the other people in the house can stand listening to him slam his fingers onto the piano keys every day.

Right, Jihoon smiles bitterly. His father would have their heads off if they ever so complained about the noise he was making.

“Shall we try that one more time?” Jisung tries to sound as chirpy as possible because he knows Jihoon is feeling down. 

But Jihoon isn’t listening. He can’t hear anything.

Jihoon first notices his suit. It’s a smart one, tailored exactly to fit the man’s long body and broad shoulders. His black tie sits comfortably on his chest, and his dirty blonde hair is blow dried nicely, boasting the man’s glorious forehead.

From the second floor, Jihoon sees the man stepping out of a luxurious car and bowing to Minhyun, also known as Jihoon’s official bodyguard (and the only one that would dare to put Jihoon to place). The man smiles brightly at Minhyun – and Minhyun returns it. Without any words exchanged between them, Minhyun leads the man to the main door.

Jihoon is so fixated on the handsome man that he audibly gasps when the man looks up and meets his eyes. For a moment, Jihoon can’t tear his eyes away. They share a moment, neither wanting to be the first the break the connection.

Then, the man smiles. He’s not too far away that Jihoon sees the way his two front teeth stick out and the way his eyes form little crescents. It’s so endearing that Jihoon has sits frozen in his chair even when the man walks away, following Minhyun into the house. 

A moment later, Jihoon hears the front door close.

“Are you even listening to me, you brat?” Jisung’s voice pierces through Jihoon’s daydream and he’s immediately transported back to reality. 

“Oh my God,” Jihoon mutters to himself. For some strange reason, the room is beginning to heat up and he’s sure he’d asked Jisung to turn down the temperature earlier. His stomach feels strange, not in the nauseous way, but it feels like a million knots have tangled together and he can’t seem to calm down.

He hears Jisung huff and stand up from Jihoon’s bed to approach him.

“What are you thinking about that’s got you so shaken up?” Jisung asks, peering into Jihoon’s face to make sure that the younger boy is okay. He frowns and adds, “Why is your face so red?”

“Nothing,” Jihoon dismisses, bringing his fingers to the piano keys again.

Even though he desperately tries to remember the first few notes, he just can’t. All that’s going through his brains are fleeting images of the man and his enchanting smile. All Jihoon can think about is:

_I want to see him again._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You are a terrible student,” Jisung marvels, his honesty taking the better of him when Jihoon messes up on the exact same piece for the eighth time that hour. Jihoon flinches, because when Jisung says you’re terrible – you’re probably ground-breaking, horrifically terrible at something.

“Sorry,” Jihoon pouts. “I can’t seem to concentrate today.”

Jihoon pounds his fingers onto the keys out of frustration. Just why can’t he play a simple melody right? He feels Jisung’s hand pat his back encouragingly, and Jisung offers a, “We all have bad days” before packing his bag – which means they’re done for the day.

Jihoon stands up immediately, “Hyung, let me walk you out.”

Jisung slings his bag over his shoulder and squints at Jihoon. He knows the boy is obviously up to no good, especially when he’s wearing that innocent smile on his face Jisung no longer falls for. 

“Maybe next time,” Jisung tries not to be a wet blanket. “Your father is having a really important meeting right now and I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be disrupted.”

Your father, your father, your father, Jihoon repeats bitterly. It’s always his father causing trouble.

Still, he puts on a smile to make sure Jisung doesn’t see his disappointed expression.

“At least let me walk you out of my bedroom,” Jihoon says, walking to unlock his door.

That’s when he sees the same man in a smart suit, standing in the hallway just across his room on the second floor. He sees the man standing next to Seongwoo, another one of his father’s men. Jihoon can’t see who they’re talking to but judging from the serious look on their faces, it must be someone important.

“I’ll get going,” Jisung chirps, passing by Jihoon.

Jisung’s voice immediately causes the man to look for the source, and locks eyes with Jihoon again. A breath hitches in his throat when their eyes meet, but again, he doesn’t want to look away.

“Hy-yung,” Jihoon calls out to Jisung, still keeping his eyes on the man.

“Yes?” Jisung turns around to smile at Jihoon, thinking the younger probably has something to say to him.

Jihoon’s brain works fast to think up a conversation he can use as an excuse to keep looking at the man across from him.

“I was thinking uh…” Jihoon mumbles as he shyly smiles at the man behind. His face is beginning to heat up again and he’s sure he looks like a tomato right now. The man doesn’t tear his gaze away, he simply smiles as he realises what Jihoon is trying to do.

“Jihoon?” Jisung probes. “Do you have something you want to ask me?”

“I- I just wanted to ask you where middle c is again,” Jihoon blurts out the first thing that pops into his brain. 

The man probably hears him, and he sees the man stifle a laugh and try to maintain a serious face in front of whoever he’s talking to. That makes Jihoon giggle too.

Jisung laughs, thinking that Jihoon is making another one of his jokes again.

“Brat,” Jisung comments, ruffling Jihoon’s hair before adding, “I’ll see you next week, same time, alright?”

Without another word, Jisung turns around and heads down the stairs.

Jihoon is left with no one between him and the man.

With his head still peeping out of the door, Jihoon gathers his courage to wave at the man and mouth “goodbye”. He wishes he could spend more time like this, but someone is bound to see and Jihoon didn’t want to get the other man into trouble.

To his surprise, the man mouths a “bye” and offers Jihoon a slight nod.

Quickly, Jihoon shuts his door and feels his knees go weak. He places a hand over his chest, and his heart is beating so quickly. 

Did he really just flirt with a stranger in his house?

Almost half an hour later, a note slips under Jihoon’s door and lands right next to his bed. Jihoon puts his video game down and picks it up, excitement bubbling in his chest.

 

_Hi, Jihoon. I’m Daniel :)_

 

He can see that the note is rushed, the words almost squished together with a black marker. Although it’s only four words, Jihoon can’t explain the way his heart feels like it’s soaring high in the skies.

Quickly, he rushes to his window and presses his face against the glass. Not too long after, he sees the man, now Daniel, walking out with Minhyun by his side again.

 _Look at me_ , look at me, Jihoon chants like his life depends on it.

Almost like Daniel can hear his voice, he turns around and smiles when he sees Jihoon staring back at him, like he’d already known Jihoon would be there.

Minhyun says something that makes Daniel break their eye contact for a few seconds, and then Minhyun leaves into the house again.

Now alone, Daniel daringly looks back at Jihoon, whose gaze hasn’t shifted.

They smile at the same time, Jihoon’s breath fogging up the glass. Daniel laughs even harder when Jihoon attempts to clean the fogged glass with his shirt. Although words can’t and shouldn’t be exchanged between them now (or ever) Jihoon decides this is enough for now.

Daniel seems to think the same way. He offers Jihoon a small wave, and Jihoon responds with a wave as well.

“ _See you soon_ ,” Jihoon mouths.

Daniel nods, never taking his eyes off Jihoon until he gets into the car and it drives away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second time Jihoon sees Kang Daniel, it’s no coincidence. In fact, Jihoon was literally starting to get impatient when a certain dirty blonde and cute man doesn’t appear in his luxurious car for five consecutive days. 

On the sixth day, Jihoon starts to feel desperate.

So when Daniel appears on his front porch that day, it feels like Jihoon has taken a huge breath of fresh air from the outside. Again, Minhyun rushes out to greet him and they exchange friendly greetings. In a way, Jihoon is jealous. Jealous that Minhyun gets to talk and shake Daniel’s hand but he doesn’t.

Without fail, Daniel glances up at Jihoon’s window and smiles when he sees Jihoon looking back down at him.

It’s too obvious to wave, so Daniel just smiles and follows Minhyun inside.

When Jihoon hears the front door slam shut, he starts to put his plan into action.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Jihoon!” Minhyun says in a harsh whisper, “You can’t be here right now.”

Jihoon blinks as innocently as he can manage as he passes by Minhyun and Daniel, who are sitting in the living room with two coffee cups between them. He feels a small smile creep up his lips when he locks eyes with Daniel – but manages to keep a straight face for the act.

“I got thirsty,” Jihoon pouts, pretending not to give any attention to Daniel when in fact, all he can think of is how close he is to Daniel right now. “You can’t just expect me to stay in my room all day.”

Minhyun frowns, and Jihoon hates pissing Minhyun off but for Daniel’s sake, he sucks it up.

“What about all the drinks I asked to be stocked up in your room?” Minhyun questions.

“Finished them,” Jihoon replies quickly.

Minhyun’s eyebrow raises, “All of them?”

“ _All of them_ ,” Jihoon confirms. 

Daniel’s chuckle interrupts the two, and all Jihoon can think about in that moment is _“Wow, Daniel has such a cute laugh”_. Minhyun glances at Daniel, and suddenly remembers there is a stranger in the room.

“Well, get what you need and stay up there for the next two hours. That’s all I ask for,” Minhyun sighs in defeat, wanting to get rid of Jihoon as soon as possible.

Jihoon nods and heads to the kitchen, pouring his water painstakingly slowly. He pretends to spill some on the floor and rushes to wipe it up.

He hears Minhyun sigh audibly from the living room.

“I’ll get someone to clean that up,” Minhyun instructs, sounding exasperated. “Just- just please leave us alone. Your father will not let me live if I don’t finish this today.”

Jihoon purses his lips to keep himself from laughing and mumbles a, “Sorry,” before rushing up the stairs, a cup of plain water in his hand. 

The smile that he shares with Daniel is enough to keep him happy for two hours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last person Jihoon expects to see outside his bedroom is Kang Daniel, and he lets out a surprised squeak when he comes face to face with Daniel’s chest. He looks up, and sees the same bunny tooth man he’s been exchanging secret glances with looking back down at him.

“Hello,” Daniel says in a whisper, like he knows this meeting is forbidden. “We finally meet.”

Jihoon’s lips tug to form a shy smile.

“I guess we finally have,” he replies. 

“I don’t have much time,” Daniel continues softly while glancing behind to make sure that no one is coming. When he ascertains that fact, he turns to look at Jihoon again. Up close, Daniel looks even more breath-taking, Jihoon is sure he forgets to breathe for a second.

“Neither do I,” Jihoon says.

“What time should I be here to continue this,” Daniel pauses to ponder about his choice of words, then smirks (which makes Jihoon’s heart skip a beat), “secret rendezvous?”

Jihoon chews on his lower lip, not expecting things to escalate so quickly. Unfortunately, his heart and brain are not thinking the same things. He wants to know Daniel better, to do more than exchange glances with him.

“An hour after midnight would be good,” Jihoon replies.

Daniel smiles triumphantly.

“It’s a date, then.”

Jihoon doesn’t have time to reply when he hears Minhyun call out, “Daniel, where are you?”

Skilfully, Daniel shuts Jihoon’s door and calls back, “Over here! Sorry, I got lost on the way to the toilet. This place is huge.”

Slowly, he hears Daniel’s footsteps fade away. He runs to the window like he always does, and locks eyes with Daniel like they always do. This time, they have a common understanding between their smiles.

Jihoon doesn’t have to say, “See you later”, he knows Daniel is thinking the same thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon locks his bedroom door quietly and scrutinizes the clock in his room. It’s 15 minutes past 1 in the morning, and Daniel still isn’t here. He taps his feet impatiently as he continues to stare out the window.

_Is his clock fast?_

Suddenly, he hears noises and excitedly opens his window. Almost like a miracle, Daniel appears, hoisting himself up onto Jihoon’s window and presses a finger to his lips as a sign for Jihoon to keep silent.

He nods, helping Daniel off the window and into his room. It’s dark, and it takes a while for Jihoon’s eyes to get used to the darkness. Thankfully, the bright moonlight casts onto Daniel’s face, and Jihoon can see him perfectly.

“Hey,” Jihoon whispers, careful not to alert Minhyun, whose room is just beside his.

Unlike the smart suit Jihoon is used to seeing Daniel in, he’s now in a comfortable black shirt and blue jeans. Also, his hair isn’t done up. Instead, his bangs cover his forehead – which Jihoon thinks is very cute.

“Hello,” Daniel smiles. “Miss me?”

Jihoon doesn’t know if Daniel is referring to the five days of drought he suffered or the fact that it’s only been a few hours since they met. Either way, Jihoon silently says, “Yes”.

Instead, he wears a cheeky smile on his face.

“Me? Missing someone I’ve only talked to once?” Jihoon replies, “Impossible.”

It’s unbelievable, how they manage to connect so well even if they’ve only properly met once, hours ago. Exchanging secret glances shouldn’t count, Jihoon thinks. But in this case, they probably do.

“Park Jihoon,” Daniel says, just liking the way Jihoon’s name sounds on his tongue. “Park Jihoon, you are very, very, handsome.”

“I’m the best-looking child in the family,” Jihoon confidently boasts. Inside, he’s a wreck of nerves. How can someone as perfect as Daniel be so good with words as well?

“You are _the only child_ in your family,” Daniel states, like it’s a known fact.

Daniel takes a step closer to Jihoon, and Jihoon takes another step back.

“You checked up on me?” Jihoon should feel creeped out, but he doesn’t.

“I had to,” Daniel practically purrs, taking bigger and bolder steps towards Jihoon again. “I couldn’t supress my curiosity. Had to know – who the cute boy staring at me was.”

“What else do you know?” Jihoon challenges.

Two can play Daniel’s game, he decides. He doesn’t let Daniel push him back any further. Instead, he stands his ground. Daniel seems surprised, when Jihoon doesn’t retreat when he takes another step towards him. 

“How you’re home-schooled,” Daniel explains, “You’re 19 years old. You play the piano beautifully, although I would say you don’t finish as strong as you start.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything, too mesmerized by Daniel.

Daniel hesitates, then continues slowly, “I also know… how you are the son of the biggest mafia boss in Seoul.”

Jihoon tenses up; this is not how he expected tonight to go.

Daniel notices how Jihoon isn’t meeting his gaze anymore.

“I also know… how I’m treading on thin ice by doing this, but I’ll continue only if you feel the same way.”

Jihoon’s gaze dart back and forth, not knowing what he should say. Daniel is right, they’re going to be in extreme trouble if anyone finds out about them.

But he wants this – he wants Daniel.

Daniel tips Jihoon’s chin upwards to make sure Jihoon looks at him.

“Do you… want this?”

There’s a lump inside Jihoon’s throat that he doesn’t know how to get rid of.

He nods slowly.

“Say it,” Daniel pleads. “Say it out loud so I know.”

“I want you,” Jihoon whispers, only for him and Daniel and the moon to hear.

Daniel doesn’t need to hear or see anything more, he carries Jihoon in his arms bridal style and settles Jihoon down gently on his bed, his arm straddling Jihoon’s fragile frame.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel kisses like he chases Jihoon. Fast, hungry and desperate. He only stops when Jihoon feels like his lungs are about to explode from the lack of oxygen. Daniel is both giving him the air to live and taking it away at the same time.

Unlike the way he kisses, Daniel’s touches are gentle and careful.

He makes sure not to cause Jihoon pain in any sort of way.

Or so he tries.

And he succeeds. 

Only halfway, though. Because more than ever, Jihoon’s heart is bruised and torn apart in every way possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later, when their legs are tangled up under Jihoon’s blanket, and Jihoon’s head is resting on Daniel’s chest, he finally gathers the courage to hold Daniel’s hand.

It’s hard to believe that such a simple action embarrasses the hell out of Jihoon when they’ve just done so much more.

“Warm?” Daniel’s voice echoes around the room.

Jihoon nods, his eyelids heavy. 

Still, Daniel pulls the blanket up to cover Jihoon’s exposed shoulder. 

“We’re going to be okay,” Daniel whispers, stroking Jihoon’s hair.

And Jihoon believes him. His door is locked, and he lets Daniel plant soft kisses all over his face again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Jihoon wakes up the next morning, Daniel is gone. His side of the bed is empty but the creases are still there, an obvious sign that someone was next to Jihoon. 

His clothes are gone too, Jihoon remembers taking them off yesterday and throwing them behind him. It’s a wonder Daniel managed to collect all of them when he left.

And the marks. _Oh God_ – the marks.

Fortunately, Daniel didn’t leave any visible ones. Still, the ones on his waist and thighs are a bright red, a remember of the previous night. Jihoon slips into a shirt and the marks are magically hidden from the world; just like how their relationship is supposed to be.

After his shower, he collapses onto his bed again from pure exhaustion from the previous night.

Then he notices a pack of pills on his bedside table, and a yellow post it being stuck onto it. 

 

_Take the pills after food if you have a headache. Sorry I left without saying goodbye, I couldn’t bear to wake you. See you soon. I love you._

 

 _Love?_ Jihoon’s brain questions.

“Yeah, _love_ ,” he whispers more for himself to believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon waits another three days to see Daniel. They get lucky, and Minhyun gets caught up in a painfully long phone call with one of Jihoon’s father’s colleague and asks Daniel to show himself out the door.

Of course, Daniel makes a short detour before leaving.

Jihoon opens the door knowing that Daniel is already standing there. Without another word, he pulls Daniel in and locks the door.

“I missed you,” Daniel says into the crook of Jihoon’s neck, which tickles.

“Me too,” Jihoon mumbles, letting their hug do the talking for him.

Missing Daniel is an understatement. More than ever, Jihoon feels locked in. He feels caged up and suffocated. All he wanted to do for the past three days was to sneak out to go and find Daniel.

Until he realises there is no need – Daniel will always find him first.

Daniel tugs at Jihoon’s shirt and Jihoon quickly stops him, whispering, “In broad daylight? Really?”

“No,” Daniel giggles. “Just let me see.”

Still, Jihoon lets Daniel tug his shirt up and examine his waist.

“They’re fading,” Daniel comments as he presses a kiss on Jihoon’s temple. “Sorry if I hurt you the other day. I felt really bad when I had to leave without saying goodbye.”

“It’s okay,” Jihoon smiles, and he means it. “How’s work?”

Daniel shakes his head, replying, “I don’t want to talk about work with you. Just know that no news is good news, alright?”

It’s probably a good thing that Jihoon knows nothing about what Daniel is doing for his father. Still, he wants to be of some help to Daniel, but he’s refused many times. All he can offer Daniel in return is comfort and his company.

 

For Daniel – that is more than enough.

 

“Play me something,” Daniel leads Jihoon to the grand piano by his waist. “I’ve heard you play so many times but I’ve never actually seen you play.”

“I don’t want to,” Jihoon whines. “I’m really bad at this.”

“I don’t believe you,” Daniel replies, knocking the side of Jihoon’s head softly.

Before Jihoon can refute, someone knocks on his door and he jumps out of Daniel’s arms.

“Jihoon?” Minhyun’s voice calls out from the other side.

Jihoon clears his throat, “Yes, hyung?”

He hears Minhyun trying to unlock the door, then when he realises it’s locked, he adds, “Are you okay? Why did you lock the door?”

“I-I’m fine, hyung!” Jihoon replies, glaring at Daniel who starts wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s waist from the back and kisses his neck. He hits Daniel’s side, and induces a groan.

“Really?” Minhyun doesn’t sound so sure. “Open up, just let me see your face.”

Jihoon can barely concentrate, and pushes Daniel behind the door. He opens the door, face flushed and forces a smile at a concerned Minhyun.

“I’m fine,” Jihoon insists. “Just leave me alone.”

Minhyun doesn’t look convinced, but he peers inside Jihoon’s room and says, “Fine. Clean your room when you have the time. I don’t want to do everything for you.”

Jihoon mumbles “got it hyung” under his breath and quickly locks the door behind him. Without hesitation, Daniel pounces onto him.

“Ow!” Jihoon groans when he staggers backwards from Daniel’s weight. Daniel looks up and giggles, earning himself a forehead flick from Jihoon. “Idiot.”

Daniel captures Jihoon’s lips before he can come up with another insult.

“I’m your idiot.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon turns twenty in May and wakes up in an empty bed. He vaguely remembers Daniel kissing him goodbye last night before darting out the window. Daniel leaves before the sunrise, and Jihoon falls back to sleep.

When the morning sunlight peaks through his curtains, he arises and his eyes immediately find a pink post-it note on his side table next to a small ring box. Smiling to himself, he reads the note with a thumping heart.

 

_Happy birthday, my love._

 

It’s short and sweet, just like all the notes Daniel likes leaving him.

Jihoon had asked him about it before; why leave a note if it was going to be so short anyway? Daniel replied, “I would much rather say longer things to you in person.”

Jihoon keeps the post-it note in his drawer, together with his other ones. His fingers then trail over the grey leather small box, and it pops open, a silver ring catching the sunlight in all the right angles. It shines – not as brightly as Jihoon’s heart does, though.

Immediately, he feels tears springing into his eyes as he removes the ring from its place. It’s beautifully simple, their initials carved at the side.

There’s a knock on his door, and he immediately says, “Come in” and hides the ring and box under the covers.

Although it’s not the person Jihoon wants to see most now at the door, he still smiles when Minhyun enters with a breakfast tray in his hand.

“Good morning and happy birthday, Jihoon,” Minhyun says, setting the tray in front of Jihoon.

The spread is all of Jihoon’s favourite food – his eggs are runny, and his favourite strawberry milk poured into a glass. There’s a huge sandwich in the middle of the tray that Jihoon isn’t sure he can stomach right now. Still, he grateful.

“Your father requested for you to have a splendid breakfast made by our house cook,” Minhyun says, pushing the tray towards Jihoon. 

Jihoon knows Minhyun is probably lying – he knows how lonely Jihoon gets, especially on his birthday, because he has no one except Minhyun to spend it with. 

“Hyung,” Jihoon’s voice is shaky. “Can I go outside today?”

Minhyun purses his lips, the answer on his tongue but somehow, he can’t say the words today.

“Hyung,” Jihoon repeats, with more conviction this time. “I am a 20-year-old boy. Please tell my father that he cannot lock me up forever. At the very least, let me do something different on my birthday.”

Minhyun nods, and leaves Jihoon alone in the room with his breakfast.

Slowly, Jihoon takes out the ring from under the covers again. It’s beautiful – and just by imagining Daniel going to a ring shop to personally pick it out himself is enough to make Jihoon’s heart burst into a flurry of feelings.

Hesitantly, he slips the ring onto his left pinky finger.

It fits perfectly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your father says you can take a walk around our garden, just for a while because he has an important guest over,” Minhyun returns after Jihoon finishes his breakfast and relays the good news to him.

Jihoon has to resist scoffing. 

Having special freedom on his birthday just means being able to spend some time in his own fucking garden. It’s laughable, really, but Jihoon doesn’t dare to say anything, lest his father take away that privilege as well.

“I’ll go with you,” Minhyun says softly, his smile not meeting his eyes. Jihoon knows Minhyun pities him, for having to live under his father’s rule. Jihoon wishes Minhyun wouldn’t pity him; it makes him feel so much worse.

 

 

Jihoon doesn’t expect to see his father himself in the garden. It’s not very often he gets to see his father; because he’s on overseas trips a lot and he doesn’t like coming back to the mansion often – for fear that he might put Jihoon in danger.

It’s even more expected that Daniel is sitting right across his father, two cups of hot tea between them. 

Daniel’s shoulders are tense even from the back, but all Jihoon can think about it how nice Daniel’s shoulders feel when he wraps Jihoon up in his arms and envelopes him perfectly. Daniel’s hair tousles lightly in the breeze, but all Jihoon can think about is how soft Daniel’s hair feels when he runs his fingers through them in bed.

Daniel is so close, yet so far away from him.

“Good morning, Jihoon,” his father greets him with a smile when Jihoon approaches the two.

Daniel looks equally shocked to see Jihoon, but doesn’t let it show on his face. To outsiders, the change isn’t obvious – but Jihoon can tell from the slight twitch of Daniel’s right eyebrow and his constantly shifting gaze that’s he’s thinking, “What are you doing here?”

“Good morning, father,” Jihoon says back good-naturedly, willing himself to not look at Daniel and give them away. 

“Minhyun requested that I let you out for your birthday. Unfortunately, I cannot do so because you know I fear for your safety outside the premises. You understand that, don’t you?”

Jihoon wants to scream, kick and punch the man’s face. He wants to yell, “You have kept me locked up in this hellhole for twenty years, and now I want out.”

“I understand,” Jihoon replies, lowering his gaze. 

Daniel is so painfully close to him; but Jihoon can’t even spare a glance at him, because he doesn’t want to put Daniel in danger.

His father hums, and Jihoon takes that as a sign to leave. He nods at Minhyun, who is waiting a distance away and joins him at a small table a distance away from where his father and Daniel are talking.

“It’s going to be okay,” Minhyun whispers when Jihoon sits down. It comes out so soft, the breeze almost carries Minhyun’s words away. Still, Jihoon knows isn’t hearing things, because Minhyun squeezes Jihoon’s hand for comfort.

When can’t resist the temptation anymore, he sneaks a look behind him.

Daniel is still facing his father, both caught up in their conversation.

Suddenly, Daniel lets his left arm droop down. Even from a distance away, Jihoon sees something brightly reflecting from his left hand.

When Jihoon squints, he recognises the same silver ring he’s wearing on his right hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel enters Jihoon’s room so softly and skilfully now that he doesn’t hear Daniel come in that night. He’s caught up in his reading, back facing the window so when he feels a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist, he gasps in surprise, only to come face to face with a bunny-toothed man who smells like peaches.

“Happy birthday,” Daniel whispers, burying his head into Jihoon’s neck.

“Let me see your face,” Jihoon replies, turning around so that their chests are pressed together and he’s peering up at Daniel. 

Daniel smiles, and Jihoon implodes.

“This,” Jihoon says, holding up his right hand to reveal his silver ring. “It’s beautiful, I love it. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” Daniel replies, gently running his finger down Jihoon’s cheek. “There’s so many more things I want to do for you. Shall we go?”

“Go where?”

“The outside.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The air smells different as soon as Jihoon steps out of the mansion. His steps feel lighter and the dread in his stomach disappears. Maybe it’s the calm of the night, or maybe it’s Daniel holding his hand tightly that relives his nervousness, but whatever it is, Jihoon wants more of it.

“You ready?” Daniel asks.

“I was born ready.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel brings Jihoon to the sea. It’s night-time, so all Jihoon can see in front of him is the moonlight reflecting off the surface of the waves. He thinks it would look even more beautiful in the day-time, but for now, he lives with it.

The waves crash against the shore the same time Daniel’s lips crash against his own.

“D-Daniel,” Jihoon mumbles, pushing Daniel away softly for the first time, and instantly feels guilty when shock registers on his boyfriend’s face.

“Is something wrong?” Daniel’s voice cracks a little, but Jihoon chooses to ignore it.

“W-what were you talking with my father about?” Jihoon asks.

“Nothing,” Daniel insists, although his eyes don’t meet Jihoon. And Jihoon knows Daniel is trying to hide something from him. If it isn’t from the more than usual desperate way Daniel tried to kiss Jihoon earlier on, it’s the possessive way Daniel’s arm has been draped around his waist the entire way here.

“Tell me,” Jihoon says, intertwining his fingers with Daniel’s.

Daniel’s shoulders relax and he finally blurts out, “Your dad, was talking about you. And he warned me about never getting close to you. He says I shouldn’t even look, or think about you. He doesn’t know anything, but the way he talks is just making me feel so, so scared. ”

“He says that anyone that gets close to you will- will…”

“Daniel,” Jihoon interrupts, but Daniel doesn’t stop.

“I know this is wrong. But for the life of me, I can’t even stop thinking of you for just a fucking second. I want to risk everything if it means being with you.”

Daniel’s eyes are glassy, but his tears never fall.

“Me too,” Jihoon answers, never doubting himself for a second.

Daniel’s looks up, lips trembling and hands shaky. Jihoon has never seen Daniel look so defenceless in front of anymore, much less him, and it breaks his heart to know that he is the sole cause of it.

“I’m so scared of getting found out,” Daniel admits.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s the only one benefitting from their relationship; he’s the only one that doesn’t have to suffer if they get found out. Daniel may lose his job – or even worse, get hurt.

“But you know what scares me more?”

Even though his lungs feel tight, Jihoon still manages to say, “What?”

“Living in a world without you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon holds Daniel. It’s strange, because Daniel is usually the one who wraps his long arms around Jihoon’s frame. This time, Jihoon slings one arm around Daniel’s waist, hugging the bigger boy in his arms. It feels nice to provide some sort of comfort to Daniel for a change.

“You know I feel the same way, right?” Jihoon says, breaking the silence between them.

“About what specifically?” Daniel mumbles, playing with Jihoon’s fingers, his own dancing on the pinky that Jihoon wears his ring on.

“There’s no reason to live if you’re not here with me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first and last time Kang Daniel stays in Jihoon’s bed till sunrise is the day he asks Jihoon to marry him.

“Will you marry me?” Daniel asks, out of the blue. 

Jihoon blinks his eyes wearily, still feeling the effects of the previous night. His vision steadies and he sees Daniel smiling foolishly in front of him.

“What?” Jihoon almost laughs at the audacity of this moment. They’re both half naked and pressed against each other. 

“Park Jihoon, will you marry me, Kang Daniel?” 

When Jihoon confirms that Daniel really did just ask him that at nine in the morning in bed, he smiles. Then he laughs out loud, not caring if anyone hears. He slaps Daniel’s chest gently, mumbling, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Daniel flips over to face Jihoon directly, pouting, “You don’t want to marry me?”

“I mean – in the near future, yes,” Jihoon blurts. “But do proposals work like this?”

“With me it does,” Daniel answers back childishly. 

When Jihoon remains silent, Daniel adds, “Perhaps you really don’t want to marry me. I had the rings prepared and all. You can’t just accept the ring and not want to-“

“I’ll marry you, Kang Daniel”

“- _marry me_ ,” Daniel’s voice trails off, completely forgetting what he’d wanted to say. 

“What did you say?” Daniel’s expression turns serious.

“I said I’ll marry you,” Jihoon repeats. He frowns, “You asked me if I wanted to marry you, and I say yes, I will marry you, Kang Daniel.“

Without another word, Daniel presses a big smooch on Jihoon’s lips. He wears the same smile on the first day they’d met – the meeting across the window. Jihoon tries to say something smart, but before the words can escape his mouth, Daniel seals his lips with another kiss.

“Stop-“

Daniel goes in for the third kiss, and Jihoon manages to stop him in time.

“Welcome to the married life with me,” Jihoon announces as he leaps off the bed, crossing his arms, “Also known as, welcome to hell.”

All Daniel says in return is, “Wow, no one ever told me hell was this wonderful.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a while, Jihoon doesn’t take Daniel’s proposal so seriously. After all, he’s only twenty, and Daniel is only three years older than he is. 

Do people get married this early on in life? Doesn’t a marriage registration need to be done for them to officially be married? Doesn’t a wedding need to be held? Don’t people other than the two in the relationship have to know about the relationship itself before they actually get married?

Jihoon has so many questions, but they disappear as the days pass and his affection for Kang Daniel only grows bigger, and bigger, until it can’t be controlled anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a change, they’re no longer half naked in Jihoon’s bed tonight. Instead, they’re both draped in their respective hoodies and huddled close to each other as a thunderstorm roars outside. Jihoon is reading, and Daniel is trying to read as well, but Jihoon can tell the other boy is going to fall asleep anytime soon.

“Go to sleep,” Jihoon encourages when Daniel’s head falls onto his shoulder again and he jolts awake, embarrassed to be caught drifting in and out of sleep.

“No,” Daniel shakes his head, making Jihoon’s heart go crazy at his cute antics. “I’ll stay awake with you.”

“I’m not tired, you can sleep first,” Jihoon sighs.

“Let’s just lie down together, okay?” Daniel suggests and after a few attempts of pulling the book out of Jihoon’s hands, Daniel finally succeeds and places the book on the side drawer before turning out the lights.

Almost as if it’s a habit, Jihoon shifts his body such that he fits perfectly next to Daniel, and Daniel slings his arm around Jihoon’s waist, pulling him closer.

The simplicity of moments like this makes Jihoon’s heart ache.

“I love you,” he whispers, not knowing if Daniel is awake.

“Love you too,” Daniel mumbles, clearly on his way to dreamland.

Jihoon giggles, drapes his leg over Daniel and lets sleep take over for the night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Daniel appears at his window one night, he looks frazzled and anxious. One look, and Jihoon knows that something is off. 

“Run away with me,” Daniel says, grabbing onto Jihoon’s shoulders harder than he should.

It’s not the sudden strength that Daniel displays when he grabs Jihoon, but more of the tone he uses with Jihoon. He sounds desperate and afraid.

“What’s this about?”

“Nothing,” Daniel insists. “I’ve been wanting to ask you this for the longest time, but I was afraid. I’m not going to be afraid anymore. Park Jihoon, run away with me and I’ll take care of you for a lifetime.”

Jihoon has thought about it before, running away and leaving everything behind. Sometimes, he thinks it’s the easiest thing he can do. There’s nothing left in this town for him to stay for anymore. Other times, he’s frozen with fear, unable to even step out of his room because he’s afraid.

For twenty years, he’s never been allowed outside, to interact with other people other than his father, Minhyun and Jisung.

Then, Kang Daniel appears in life, and Jihoon starts yearning for freedom more than ever.

“Jihoon?” Daniel’s voice sounds pained. “Do you want to leave everything behind and start a new life with me elsewhere?”

He remembers how frightened Daniel looked that day when he was talking about losing Jihoon, and how he’d felt the exact same way. 

He doesn’t think he can continue to live with this secret relationship anymore. It’s suffocating him, and Jihoon needs a breath of freedom, or he’s not going to be able to live on anymore.

With Daniel, it’s all or nothing.

“Yes,” Jihoon says, softly. When they lock gazes again, their months of courtship instantly floods his memories like a cassette tape that can’t stop rolling. Jihoon can’t bear to throw that away, much less, leave the love of his life alone in this scary world.

“Yes,” Jihoon repeats, with more conviction and vigour this time. “Let’s run away.”

Jihoon chooses all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon can’t stop pacing around on the night of their planned escape. His bags are packed, and he’s already said his goodbyes to everyone in this household who means something to him; namely, Minhyun and Jisung.

Jihoon doesn’t outwardly say goodbye, because it would be too obvious and he doesn’t think he can bear to face the physical farewell, so he says goodbye in his own special way.

He practices until his fingers cramp and hurt – but he finally manages to play the piece Jisung has been trying to teach him for weeks. Jihoon makes sure to finish as strong as he starts, smiling triumphantly when he manages to play the melody perfectly; and he knows Jisung is supressing a wide smile.

With Minhyun, nothing much changes. Jihoon thanks Minhyun every time he does something for Jihoon, and he asks Minhyun to have dinner with him on his last night in the house. Before Jihoon leaves, he cleans his room and makes sure not to leave a speck of dust behind.

It’s 2 in the morning, and it’s almost time for Jihoon to leave.

It takes him approximately 20 minutes to get to their meeting place. From there, he’ll get on a boat that Daniel’s “acquaintance” has arranged for them. And then, they’ll start their new life in a place far away from here.

Jihoon leaps out the window, skilfully avoiding the guard patrolling the area.

His heart leaps with him when he escapes – and he realises that he’s always been prepared to leave this place his entire life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel reaches their agreed meeting place first, chest heavy and nerves getting to him. It’s dark, but Daniel likes it that way. Their escape has to be as quiet and quick as possible.

Behind him, leaves crunch as he hears footsteps near him.

“Jihoon?” he calls out hesitantly in the distance, hoping to see Jihoon’s bright face greet him because right now, he needs someone to hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright.

No one replies, and the footsteps stop.

Daniel thinks it’s Jihoon playing a prank, until he hears a pained groan.

 _That’s definitely not Jihoon_ , Daniel thinks.

Suddenly, a limp body is thrown at his feet and Daniel is blinded by a bright light. Squinting, he sees a familiar face. It’s a miracle, that he still manages to recognise Seongwoo because he’s been beaten until he’s almost unrecognizable.

Daniel drops to his knees, immediately supporting his friend by the ribs.

“Seongwoo,” Daniel panics. “Who did this?”

Seongwoo tries to say something, but the words aren’t coming out. He coughs, and blood starts to pool at his mouth. When he finally turns to look at Daniel, the words that escape his mouth make Daniel’s blood run cold.

“Daniel, I’m so sorry.”

The next thing Daniel hears is the click of a gun. 

He hears the gunshot.

And his world goes black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something is wrong – Daniel is never late. Not for important things like this – not when they have a boat to catch, and definitely not when time is of essence especially when they’re trying to run away.

Jihoon trudges around the forest but doesn’t seem to catch even a glimpse of the man he’s looking for. His heart rate is starting to go up, and the air suddenly feels icily cold. 

“Daniel?” Jihoon calls out into the night, hoping that he’ll hear a cheeky, “I’m here!” in response.

But the response never comes, and Jihoon’s heart starts to drop like it’s stone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Half an hour later, Jihoon sits crouched near a tree, seconds away from an emotional breakdown. He has no idea where Daniel is; and is sure something terrible has happened. How could there be a flaw in their perfect plan to live a perfect lift somewhere else?

Jihoon doesn’t give up, he waits, and he waits.

Finally, he hears the crunch of leaves and branches a little north of where he’s waiting and stands up quickly.

Searching his pocket for a flashlight, he turns it on with shaky hands.

Jihoon supresses a scream when he sees Daniel.

He can barely recognise Daniel. To say that Daniel is hurt is an understatement – he looks moments away from dying.

Blood is pooling at his chest from god knows where, and his face is covered in bruises and cuts; all fresh. For a moment, Jihoon doesn’t move. 

_It’s a nightmare_ , Jihoon tells himself. _Wake up now_.

He doesn’t wake up in his bed, and Daniel doesn’t disappear. This is as real as it can be, and Jihoon has no idea how he should react.

“Daniel,” Jihoon manages to choke out.

Daniel spots him, and manages to smile through the pain. Jihoon doesn’t understand, just what went wrong?

Daniel is having trouble walking, and he looks so weak. Still, he trudges forward and makes his way towards Jihoon, as if that is the only thing that is keeping him from dropping dead right this moment.

“Jihoon-“

Jihoon finally takes a step towards Daniel, when two hooded figures appear and hold Daniel back. One of them deliver a swift punch to Daniel’s stomach, and his knees immediately crumble to the ground, the will to fight back completely crushed.

“No!” Jihoon screams, he rushes forward, then stops when he sees a shiny gun being pointed to Daniel’s head.

His blood runs cold when he sees the smile on his father’s face.

“Don’t move or I’ll pull the trigger,” his father warns.

“Father,” Jihoon pleads, hating how he sounds exactly like a five-year-old. Tears stream down his face as he sees Daniel crawl up from his lying down position, only to get kicked back down again.

“Don’t hurt him!” Jihoon instinctively yells.

His father grunts, and pulls Daniel’s head up by his hair so that Jihoon is forced to look at him.

A scream stifles in Jihoon’s throat. He wants to shout for help – but nothing is coming out.

“Tell him,” Jihoon’s father says, talking to Daniel. “Tell him what I told you to say.”

Daniel coughs, and looks straight at Jihoon.

“Jihoon ah, I love you, no matter what happens-“

Daniel isn’t allowed to continue, and is punched to the ground again. Jihoon looks away, unable to bear the pain of seeing Daniel get tortured like this – all because of him and his selfish ways. 

_This is all my fault_ , Jihoon cries.

“Please, let him go,” Jihoon begs. “I’ll do anything.”

Jihoon’s father signals the two hooded men to hoist Daniel up. Daniel doesn’t even have the strength to stand on his own anymore, and he hangs limply against the men’s arms.

“Make this the last day you ever meet, or speak with Kang Daniel and I will let him go.”

“Deal,” Jihoon says, not even considering the consequences.

All he can think of is Daniel’s safety, and getting Daniel to the nearest hospital as soon as pssible.

Even if he’s given all the time in the world to think about it, Jihoon would still agree to all his father’s requests. After all, Jihoon would much rather live without Daniel knowing that he’s somewhere safe and sound than bearing the guilt of seeing Daniel die because of him.

“I said deal!” Jihoon yells. “Deal, I’ll never see him again. Please, let him go.”

“Let him go,” Jihoon’s father nods. 

The two hooded men adhere to the request, and release their hold on Daniel.

Jihoon runs forward, and Daniel attempts to take a step nearer to Jihoon as well. He’s struggling, but he keeps his eyes on Jihoon and continues to put one foot in front of the other.

Jihoon is so close, so close to touching Daniel right now.

In a second, he’ll be able to feel Daniel’s touch again, his warmth, and his-

A blast from a gunshot fills the air, and Daniel falls into Jihoon’s arms, just not the way Jihoon wants him to. He collapses into Jihoon’s arms as the bullet from Jihoon’s father’s gun hits him in the back and Jihoon screams.

“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel,” Jihoon chants, hoping to keep the boy in his arms alive.

Daniel doesn’t move, and Jihoon’s knees buckle to the ground.

“Baby, open your eyes,” Jihoon pleads, saying whatever that comes to his head at the moment. “Please, Daniel? Look at me, just please look at me.”

“Daniel, I love you.” It comes out more of a sob than a whisper.

“L-love you t-too,” Daniel’s voice is so soft, Jihoon almost misses it.

Jihoon isn’t hearing things, because Daniel’s eyes flutter open slowly to look at Jihoon one more time.

“Don’t leave me, okay? I’ll get you to safety soon,” Jihoon says. “Just look at me, stay awake.”

“Jihoon-“

“Fuck, this is all my fucking fault,” Jihoon stutters, not knowing what to do when his hands are stained with fresh blood – Daniel’s blood. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

“Hey.”

Maybe it’s the calmness of Daniel’s voice that stops Jihoon from completely breaking down.

“I love you,” Daniel says. His eyes shut tight in pain for a second, then returns to smiling again. “This is not your fault. I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you too,” Jihoon sobs. “Which is why you need to stay alive.”

“Can’t,” Daniel shakes his head slowly. “Hurts. A lot. And I can almost see Jesus holding his hand out to me.”

Daniel’s breaths are getting slower, and time seems to slow down for them as well.

“Don’t make this a joke,” Jihoon warns. “Let’s go, okay?”

“Let me go,” Daniel says. “It’s time, I’ll see you soon.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jihoon curses. “I’ll get you out of here.”

“I really, really love you. See you in our next life?” Daniel smiles, and Jihoon instantly remembers that one conversation from weeks ago. He knows there’s no way to save Daniel now, and bites on his lower lip to stop crying.

Jihoon nods slowly, intertwining his fingers with Daniel’s which are already cold. He can feel Daniel slipping away from him. His breaths are almost unnoticeable now, and for the last time, Jihoon lays his head on Daniel’s chest, until he doesn’t hear Daniel’s heartbeat in his ears anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

With Daniel, it’s all or nothing.

And now, Jihoon feels nothing.

Daniel dies, and Jihoon’s soul dies along with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Do you want to be with me even in your next life?”_

_“Daniel, I don’t mean to be a wet blanket, but I don’t really believe in next lives.”_

_“Then what do you believe in?”_

_“I’m not sure.”_

_“Well, what do you think happens when people die?”_

_“I’m not sure.” ___

_“…”_

_“What do **you** think happens when people die?”_

_“Nothing much. Maybe at the moment of death, you think that your world is crashing down, and you’ll never get to see that someone again. Well, I think it’s more of hi, bye and hello again?”_

_“Hi, bye, and hello again?”_

_“Stop laughing at me, brat! It’s like me and you meeting for the first time, that’s “hi”. Then, one day we’ll get separated, that’s “bye.” Soon, we’ll meet again, and that’s “hello again”.”_

_“And the cycle repeats?”_

_“And the cycle repeats.”_

_“…”_

_“Are you laughing at me? You’re laughing at me! I can’t believe it!”_

_“I’m not laughing at you! Come on, don’t be mad, please? You’re not cute when you sulk.”_

_“…”_

_“Alright, fine. If by any chance, you are right about your “hi, bye, and hello again” theory, I would very much like to spend all of my next lives with you as well. There, happy?”_

_“You said it for the sake of saying it.”_

_“I mean it, I want to spend all my lives with you, Kang Daniel. That’s how much I love you.”_

_“I love you very much too, Park Jihoon.”_

_“See you in our next life, Kang Daniel.”_

_“Haha, very funny. See you tomorrow, Park Jihoon.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry.
> 
> if you made it to the end, thank you so much!!
> 
> feel free to cry/scream at me, otherwise please leave me a comment because those really keep me motivated to keep on writing :)
> 
> i really hope yall enjoyed this story in one way or another, please take care of yourselves until the next time!!
> 
> love, bapaldeul <3


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